Beliefs. We all have them. Many serve us, and, unfortunately, many do not. They're powerful little suckers that are, in most ways, running our life.
One of the places that they will show up in a big way is in dating...for many people, going after the relationship they want is a high-stakes, scary proposition; a ripe environment for our old friend, fear, to show up.
F.E.A.R. (fantasized experiences appearing real) will be working diligently at interpreting what's going on, or projecting what's going to happen, and guiding us as we navigate the treacherous terrain.
That may all sound over-dramatized to you (or maybe you're reading this nodding in agreement) - but the beliefs we have that are not helpful (i.e. "I'm not good enough", which is an epidemic belief for women) will make something like dating an experience to dread or avoid, rather than to look forward to with optimism and excitement.
One way this unhelpful belief can play out is in meeting someone you really like, and having a feeling that the person you've met is "too good" for you. The problem grows because if we believe this, it becomes what we project to others, which, of course, is going to manifest that exact outcome.
To dismantle the lie and project the best of you, you need to get to a more powerful place which will allow you to get out there, shining your brilliance, and attracting great men to date (and which gives you a pool from which to choose the best one for you!).
There is No Reality, Only Perception
The message you've been hearing, although old and deeply ingrained (based on "I'm not good enough"), is simply a thought that has been repeated often enough to take hold as a belief - and therefore FEELS like the truth.
It is NOT the truth, however - it is a LIE.
The issue is that your subconscious mind cannot differentiate between what's real and what is not; it's going to adopt as "truth" whatever it hears the most, particularly if it "hears" it with great emotion attached.
Feedback From Your Body
Here's the simple (yet difficult) solution: inundate your mind with the message you want to believe as the truth - which, funny enough, IS the truth: you are worthy of what you want; you're good enough to attract the right man for you.
Note: even though it's true that you're inherently worthy of what you want, it's certainly possible to behave in ways that will keep you from having it. If you're engaged in things that are pulling you down (if this is true for you, you already know what I'm talking about, right?), find the help you need to stop. Right now. Your life depends on it - and you can do it!
For the purposes of this exercise, it's best if you come up with language for this "mantra" or "declaration" that resonates with you - the more of a response you feel in your body, the more impactful it's likely to be for you.
Old Habits Die Hard
When you decide to take this on, and I highly recommend that you do, be ready for the old message to sound even louder and more "true"; the old habitual belief, which is really your fear, does not want to let go.
That part of you feels that you're in danger of annihilation if you allow yourself to risk believing you deserve what you want.
To be successful in changing your belief, it will require from you the following:
· Commitment - this is what you have guiding you. It's what you draw on when you don't believe your new "mantra", and when the old message is in charge. You stand on the knowledge that your commitment to having the relationship you really want, particularly the one with yourself, is more important than anything else.
· Discipline - this is how you act on your commitment - you do the work, no matter how you feel - whether too tired, too scared, too bored, too distrustful of the outcome, or anything else that your fear will manufacture - and please expect that your fear will present many obstacles along this path.
· Compassion - this is what you draw on when you're feeling the old negative self-talk coming up again ("this is bad", "this is silly"), or when you see that you've reverted back to old fear-based behavior. By the way, I intentionally said "when", not "if", because it will be a part of your life for a long time. Whenever you step outside your comfort zone (and, by definition, feel fear), your first impulse will be the most practiced - that makes sense, doesn't it? So, instead of the critical attack on yourself, try saying something like: "I must be pretty nervous right now, and my old, fear-based beliefs are trying to take over. I'm safe to believe that I am worthy of having what I want, and I know I can handle whatever happens." Make sure that the soothing message you use is one that works the same way as the "mantra" we talked about earlier - it resonates in your body.
Practice, Practice, Practice
We're always communicating our attitudes and beliefs, no matter what words or actions we're saying/doing. You will project what you're feeling inside - good or bad.
I have only one thing to say about men picking up on your feeling: SO WHAT?
You're doing the best you can, and you're learning. Stay unattached to any outcome (I know this is way easier said than done), and see being out there and flirting/mingling with men as practice. See yourself as courageous enough to even BE out there, and look at the responses you're getting from men as important feedback about how all your practice is going.
In Conclusion
If you work this program consistently enough, and stay on your path - no matter how you feel - you'll start to notice that you're feeling good about yourself more often than not. You'll become aware of a sense that you're worthy of what you want. You'll start to see an upgrade in the men that are coming into your life. You will attract a great man you can spend your life with. In the meantime, enjoy the journey, and remember to HAVE FUN!
